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Why Women Compare, Compete, and Creep on Each Other

Now it’s time to support and love each other like our lives depend on it!!

I don’t know about you, but I grew up on the outside of the “in crowd.” By 10, I was lanky, sad, and I felt used on the inside, while on the outside, I thought I was just different from everyone else. I didn’t trust most people, especially not the girls in my world, even though I really wanted to. I tried having girlfriends, but always lost the ones I really connected with. They would move away, or we would play odd man out, or gang up on each other. Bullying became a real way of shunning and shamming each other in a world where real connection, safe space, and supporting was longed for. When I was in high school, I met my very bestest friend, but alas, eventually I was shunned by her for not being in the same headspace as she was.

Every time I tried to trust another woman, something would eventually happen that broke that trust. My mother abandoned me to her mental demons. My best friend slept with my husband. My business partner stole our tax money and bankrupted our company, and the list goes on and on. There are, unfortunately, many stories from many ages from my life. This pattern of mistrust and bullying started in elementary school for me, but I can’t believe that we are now seeing it at an even younger age.

A woman by herself seems stressed or worried while sitting on a couch in her home.

The media teaches us that we are not good enough, that we will never live up to men and, of course, we will never live up to other women. They teach us from the hype on TV, on social media, at play with other children, in school, at church, in sports, at work, and even at the grocery store.

According to Dr. Shawn Andrews in a Forbes article dated January 21, 2020, “There’s an invisible natural law in the female ‘culture’ that helps to shape how women interact with other women at work and in their personal lives. It’s called the ‘power dead-even rule,’ a term coined by Pat Heim and colleagues in 'Hardball for Women: Winning at the Game of Business.'”

The end game is not to win but to grind everyone else into the dirt by whatever means necessary. If they are prettier, make them feel less than. If they have more, take it away. If I have more, keep others away. If I am better, you can’t have it. Wining comes at all costs! Isn’t that what you were taught too?

Have you ever been on the receiving end of this type of behavior? Have you ever doled out judgment of another? How about gossip; ever partaken? It is so easy to do. We are programmed from birth to compete for survival. In 1864, an author by the name of Herbert Spencer wrote a book “The Principals of Biology” where he coined the phrase “Survival of the fittest.” When looking at the biology of all things, we realize that its most appropriate function, adaptation, and variable change within its environment. This has become the motto of the land and is waved as the flag of the bully, in poor sportsmanship, in advertisements, and in power grabs. If you aren’t the best, they will leave you in the dust.

It is no wonder why people feel used, abused, and walked on. But watching this coming from my sisters is no longer acceptable, and I am here to make a stand. It is not okay to compare myself to others because I am imperfectly perfect in my own way. It is not okay to compete for a place in this world as I bring my own unique gifts and talents as do my sisters. It is not ok to creep on someone else, as I no longer accept others creeping on me.

Two women in a café have a supportive conversation.

What I have learned from this COVID-19 pandemic is my capacity to love. It doesn’t matter who people are or what they stand for, I can love them for the sake of being HUMAN. I have decided that I no longer want to be a party to judgment of, or compete with, other women. I may not connect on a soul level with everyone, but I can stop judging their outsides to my insides. I can stop gossiping and creeping on other women or listening to others do it. I can support women in their lives and endeavors while creating sisterhoods of safety for all who want to take part in L.O.V.E.

L.O.V.E.—Letting Our Values, Visions, Victories, and Voices Elevate our life and those around us. L.O.V.E. is a program that includes women helping, supporting, and pushing each other to new heights together. L.O.V.E. starts with the core value of love; the value of that overwhelming feeling of inclusivity, gratefulness, and service to others. Letting those values envelop all that we do here at WRAR, Inc., by providing a safe place for sisterhood, for a tribe of women that can come together to share stories, brainstorm, cheer on, and breakdown.

We are each here for a purpose, some to lead, some to follow, some to shine, and some to support. All of our roles are valuable and important! We as women must learn to let our petty jealousies and judgments go. Who cares if Kim has a better butt than me? If I want her butt, I can go get one or I can just be happy for her. I choose to be happy for her. I choose to love her and celebrate her for all her successes. I choose to follow her example and use all the gifts I have to be successful in my own right.

Two women embrace each other while laughing.

“There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women,” says former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, in 2006, and so thankfully things are slowly changing. Now in 2022, women are becoming coaches and mentors, helping each other succeed. I believe that we still have more work to do, and that is my purpose in this life—to live intentionally, honestly, and authentically as a guide in this enlightened life adventure, by empowering and inspiring women to see and love themselves and one another through celebrating the feminine.

It’s our turn, and it’s time we stood up and claimed it like our lives depend on it, because frankly, it does. Women must support each other even if we disagree. We must encourage each other even when we have a difference of opinion, and we must break out of the mold of the patriarchal model. Only we as women have the power to change our societal norms that will propel us forward. Let’s start today. Join us,, we are a group of like-minded women building our life in L.O.V.E.

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